Denial
by Chibinelly
Summary: Continues after "young blood" with a different ending. Suze keeps on having nightmares of a certain sadistic, cold hearted guy and the dreaded shadowland. What if she finds her dreams slowing becoming a reality?
1. Prologue

**Denial**

**Rating - **T ( might change to M in the future )

**disclaimer - **Mediator belongs to the great Meg Cabot. I'm just aiming to write a good story basing on the characters and incidents of the book series

This is going to be my first multi-chapter fanfic. It's going to be Paul/Suze. Though I like Jesse/ Suze I just love Paul's character and I think he and Suze make a really cool pair !

Please **read and review** ! I want to know your opinion on this fanfic and whether you want me continue this fanfic or not. Constructive criticism is welcome but please...no flaming !

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

I opened my eyes to see a place surrounded by thick, white mist and a black sky filled with twinkling white stars. There was no ground where I stood upon. It was almost like I was walking in space. If I didn't know better I would have thought I was in the milky way. But I knew exactly where I was. It was the dreaded shadowland with the long corridor of doors.

I found myself there all alone, once again. Suddenly I saw a blast of white light in front of me.

The light was so beautiful, so enchanting that found myself walking towards its enchantment. It was much… much better than this endless darkness.

I was about to take a step towards the light when I remembered the gate keeper's words "don't go towards the light".

So I ran, ran, ran and ran along the endless corridor and into the darkness away from the light.

But no matter how much I ran I couldn't find an exit. I was trapped and without any way to get out. Suddenly I saw a figure of a man coming towards me from the mist.

"Jesse" I shouted "Jesse , I'm over here ! Help me !" I shouted again. But when the man came towards me I and saw that it was not jesse at all.

No it was Paul Slater with a smirk on his lips. I took a step aback with fear."No" I shouted. He took a step towards me. "Stay away from me !" I shouted moving backwards. If there was any guy this ass-kicking girl feared it was Paul Slater.

"You can't run away from me Suze" his deep voice told me.

Then in a swift moment he was in front of me. My fear heightened when he took out a knife from somewhere. "Bye bye Susie" he said plunging the knife to my chest. That's when I sent a blood curdling scream….

I woke up sweating all over. I hugged my knees to my chest. "It's a dream, it's just a dream suze" I assured myself rocking myself back and forth.

I heard a knock on my door and it opened. There stood Doc in his pajamas. "I heard you scream Suze, did err did something happen" he asked in a small voice.

I assured the little kid with a forced smile "Nah Do…David it's just a night mare" I said. "Ohhhhh, then I better go" he said turning back. He suddenly turned towards me again. He looked around and asked "Did I..umm did I interrupt something?" he asked.

"What?" I asked unable to comprehend what he was asking me. Then I remembered, he was wondering whether I'm having a little chat with a ghost or engaged in some paranormal activity. "Nope ,nothing at all" I said with a fake smile. "Well, sleep well then" he said closing my door. I laid back on my princess canopy bed with a princess phone. "Thanks a lot mom" I muttered to myself as I fell into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 1

**Rating - **T ( might change to M in the future )

**disclaimer - **I know Mediator doesn't belong to me (*le sigh*) If it did , Suze would end up with Paul (*grin*)

A/N - A big thank you for Fizii, Rock The Rain and loulabel246 again for giving me motivating reviews to upload the first chapter of this story !

I know other people are reading this fanfic because of the hits. So, if you like it please spare a little of your time to review it. Even if you see mistakes in my story do not hesitate to point them out and give me a constructive critisism so that I can improve my style of writing when I upload the next chapter.

So **read and review **people !The next update will be in a week ^ ^

Now enough of my rant ! I present to you the first chapter of "Denial"

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

It was one of those days when you wake up and know everything is going to end up bad, especially after having to endure a horrifying nightmare during the night – and in my case , the shadowland.

'It has already been 3 months' I thought with a deep sigh. Almost immediate as thoughts about _him _filled my head, I was quick on attempting to stop myself on making another journey down the memory lane.

But I just couldn't do it.

The memory of him always brought tears to my eyes. Yes, for today it has been exactly three months since I lost Jesse. Three months after Paul's successful attempts to kill Jesse.

No, not kill….for he was already dead. Paul only got rid of him. Well sent him to the place wherever he was meant to go after death.

Father Dom assured me that Jesse was finally at peace after 150 years. And he was at a place where he was supposed to be. "Heaven" the good father was always quick to assure me whenever I was in a slump.

Yeah, I can't disagree with Father Dom about that. With the good, virtuous and selfless way (I think giving up your dream for your father and family and agreeing to marry a skank like Maria, pretty much selfless ) Jesse had been leading his life and after death he was bound to go to a place like heaven.

That was the only hope that's keeping me from collapsing and losing my sanity.

But still, it was like murder and I will never forgive Paul for it. Oh he did ask for forgiveness, he practically begged but I opted to ignore all his attempts to apologize. With a sulking face he went back to Seattle with his parents and his little brother Jack.

His little brother begged for my forgiveness hugging me so tightly as if his life depended on it. Of course, I forgave the little guy. Do you take me for a heartless wench? It was not his fault I lost Jesse. It was entirely his brother's fault.

Well though Jack is the person who actually exorcised Jesse, he did it unknowingly. If there was someone to blame it was only Paul Slater who made my life a living nightmare.

I dressed in a black shirt and blue jeans, not bothering too much. Then again who should I dress up nice for? My boyfriend? Well he's already dead and gone…I mean he was dead…but still he's gone. So why should I dress up for?

But I can't just go to school looking like a total bummer. I won't let princess Kelly Prescott rub it in my face. So I bothered with some make up. With some Eyeliner, mascara and a little lip gloss. 'Not too drab, not too flashy' I thought as Dopey's voice hollered from downstairs. "Suze if you don't come down in 5 seconds we're leaving without you"

"I'm coming!" I shouted as I ran downstairs. I grabbed my lunch bag of Andy's gourmet thandoori chicken sandwiches and climbed to the backseat of the rambler.

We had history after marking attendance. The subject was always such a bore for me and I scarcely listen during the period."Yada yada yada" Mr. Walden's history lecture was boring as always. I was dozing off when Cee cee, the editor of the school newspaper and my best friend in Caramel slipped a note to me.

_Did you see the new guy in school today? _

**_What new guy? _**I asked back uninterestedly

_He's sooo hot, you should have seen the way Kelly was drooling all over him_ She wrote back to me.

**_I thought you have eyes for one guy and one guy only _**I replied with a small smile on my lips and sneaking a glance at Adam McTravish. Adam was the class clown and everyone except him knew Cee's huge crush on him. He acted completely oblivious trying to focus on getting well errr me on a date.

But he's still my friend you see and I just don't think of him that way. Sure Adam is good looking and he's certainly not gay like Debbie rudely says but still, me and Adam will be like totally gross. My head snapped to a little dream of me and Adam tongue wrestling. Ewwwwwwwwwwww Cee you can totally keep him.

Cee cee noticed the direction of my gaze, let out a little sigh and wrote back

_That doesn't mean he's the only guy on planet earth, I say a guy is hot when I see a hot guy. I'm not totally immune to their charms like you are:-P_

**_I am so NOT _**I wrote back with a small glare.

_You so ARE, Scott Turner was totally flirting with you yesterday and you completely dissed him, I was there remember? _She wrote.

Ewwwwww Scott Turner, he's the twin of dopey. One of his buddies at the wrestling team and a total airhead.

**_Ewwwww flirting with Scott will be sooo immature. The guy may have abs but he's a total blockhead _**I wrote back horrified with Cee's taste in guys.

Cee cee's white eyebrows frowned and she wrote _hmm…can't say no about him being a block head. His intellectual capacity is a big zero_

I was going to reply back to her when my pen paused in mid air. That was because the guy Cee cee was mentioning earlier decided to make his appearance. My mouth opened in horror as I stared at his figure unable to utter a syllable.

I was completely shocked. I saw Cee cee was muffling her laughter at the horror-struck expression on my face from the corner of my eye. But even THAT was not enough for me to snap out of my shocked state.

No, I was not shocked because the guy was hot. I mean he definitely was hot but I'm not like Kelly ok? Drooling over every hot guy I meet. I took in his figure…..the six feet tall, olive-complected, curly brown hair the kind of which you wish to run your hands over and mesmerize over its softness, the intense ice-blue eyes….

As soon as I met his eyes all the nightmares I've been having came tumbling down upon me. I slumped back into my seat.

I think you can guess why because the new guy Cee was talking about actually turned out to be Paul Slater. Paul that freaking psychopath…I can't believe that guy had the nerve to show his face after what he did to ME. I glared daggers at his direction but he didn't meet my gaze, YET.

"Class this is Paul Slater. He's originally from Seattle. Paul grab a seat. I'm in chapter 24 in the text book, you have it I presume?" asked . "Yes sir" Paul replied in a deep voice and I shuddered. The exact same voice which haunted me in my sleep.

The females of the junior class started drooling with "ohhs" and "ahhas". Yeah ladies swoon all you want. But believe me that guy has a heart made out of ice. Kelly was fluttering her eyelashes and pointing rather unsubtly to the seat next to her. The place Heather used to sit when she was alive and the place I avoided when I first came to mission academy.

Kelly was making a fool out of her. One look on her face made me gag. Not just her but EVERYONE! Every girl that is. Only the guys were in my side. They were glaring at the new comer who was able to capture the attention of all the girls.

Paul gave Kelly a charming smile and I let out a relieved sigh and guessed he decided to sit next to her instead of the seat behind me.

And boy was I ever so wrong. No Paul didn't take the seat beside Kelly .Instead he passed her and averted his gaze to me. He stared and I stared back. I glared and he smirked. See what I'm talking about the guy not having any ounce of dignity? He had the nerve to SMIRK at me. After WHAT HE DID!

All the girls averted to the direction of his gaze…that is well umm me. "Hey suze" he replied casually as we were actually FRIENDS. Errghhhhh

All the girls glared at me, seriously they glared. What the f*ck! You can have him for all I care. He's not my freaking PROPERTY for god sakes. Get your claws on him, do whatever you want with him, see if I care.

Paul came in quick graceful strides towards me and sat behind me. I went rigid all of a sudden. Everyone was glancing at me, even Cee cee. "you know him?" Cee cee mouthed to me. I didn't reply back.

I shook my head and stiffened. Cee frowned and gave me a look saying "you better have an explanation at lunch Simon". I nodded dumbly. How the hell can I explain Paul Slater?

"ohh yeah Cee, you know he murdered my boyfriend in the wish of getting into my pants" I can practically see her violet eyes blazing in surprise.

I shook my hair and saw Kelly watching me wearily. And boy was she so damn jealous. For a moment I felt some pleasure with her jealous stare but it was quickly overcome with fear at the thought of the cold-blooded teenager behind me.

The memory, the memory I was trying so hard to forget came down came crashing down upon me at the thought of Paul. Everything was ok until that time I admitted my true feelings to Jesse. It was then that the nightmare started.

The day I was finally able to bite down my cowardice nature and tell Jesse that I truly loved him.


	3. Chapter 2

**Rating** **-** T+ ( for language )

**disclaimer** **-** I hereby announce that I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator Meg Cabot

**A/N **-

_Fizii_ - Thanks again for the review. Here is the update !

_RachelRedvines_ - Thank you ! I'm really happy that you love my story ^ ^

_loulabel246_ - hehe your right about the whole kelly thing. I've always hated her so I'll enjoy bashing her a little in this story. hehehe. I'm glad you like it. Thanks again and here is the update :-)

I know there are other people reading this fafic because of the hits. So I'll tell this again. If you like my story , kindly take a little of your time to review it !

ok then enough with my rant ! Here is the new chapter ! Pleaseeeeeeee** Read and Review **

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 2<span>**

_I was sleeping on Doc's bed armed with an axe and a prix in case if that skank Maria was going to pay me a visit. I also had Max, the Ackerman dog with me. Sure he's a coward who would whine and run away at the first sign of supernatural activity. But at least that'll wake me up and announce the bitch's arrival._

_Sleepiness was overpowering my senses when Max started to whine. In a flash I was out of the bed with my axe ready to aim a hit right on her face. There was a blue light of materialization and I swung my axe against the intruder. _

_But it was just Jesse, he dodged my attack and I dropped the axe. __**"Querida what are you doing?" **__asked Jesse horrified. The tale had come pouring out from me __in seconds and when I got to the part about Maria and the knife he snatched me up, he really did snatch me up and hugged me._

_I sighed to his chest. "Oh querida" he whispered whispering a bunch of stuff to me in Spanish. Heck I didn't understand a word but it felt like endearments. I sighed again pressing myself to him. "Your all right, I wont let anyone hurt you" promised Jesse pulling away and tenderly cupping my face in his hands._

_We were so close, and our position was so intimate. I only had to close the distance and kiss those strong and determined looking lips. But then the thought of Andy finding his body and him moving on hit me like a ton of bricks _

_"__oh jesse !" I cried as tears streamed down my eyes. I hate crying, I hate it even more than I hate fear. It makes me so….I don't know…it just makes me so girlish, I guess. _

_Jesse was alarmed. He searched my green eyes for answers "Susannah don't cry I said I'll protect you" he said with the hope of assuring me._

"_No no it's not that Jesse, I just….it's just that if Andy finds your body out there, not only is Maria going to be really mad, __but you…..you're going to move on. You know? From here. Because that's what's been holding you back, Jesse. The mystery of what happened to you. Once your body is found, though, that mystery will be solved. And you'll go. And I don't want that to happen. Because I don't want you to go. Because I love you " I said._

_There I said it,__the "L" word. After all this time I was able to admit my real feelings. Jesse let go of me so abruptly as if I was on fire. My mind screamed for his arms around me again but one look in his eyes made me realize I should never have said the "L" word. _

_No I shouldn't have said that all. "Susannah I…." he trailed off. Jesse unable to utter a syllable, that was so unlike him. If it were __any other time I would have laughed my ass off. But at that__ moment I only felt a verge of tears threatening to stream down my eyes. _

"_Susannah" he said again. 'what no querida?__' I wanted to ask but I kept my mouth shut. "Nombre de dios Susannah I never knew you felt like that….I'm sorry but I can'__t return your feelings" he finished tenderly. _

_And those words tore my heart into a million pieces….._

"Care to share what's on your mind, Miss Simon ?" the voice of Mr Walden acknowledging me brought me back to the present. "What?" I asked dumbly. The class exploded in to giggles and snickers. It was Paul's snicker that annoyed me the most. I turned behind and gave him a death glare.

"Nice trip down the memory lane Suze?" he asked with a raised eye brow and a sarcastic smile on his lips. "You fucking assh…" I said a little too loud for the class to hear.

"Miss Simon !" Mr Walden cried out in alarm. "Detention after school till 4.00 o'clock !" he hollered at me. "You got it now suzieeee" Paul said sweetly and I bit back the urge to punch his perfectly sculptured face.

"But Mr Walden Paul was…" I started. "I don't care what Paul said but I will not tolerate obscense language" he cried. "But.." I started again. "Till 5.00 p.m. care to make it 6.00?"he asked with a raised eyebrow. That shut me up for good. I swear that man has something against me!

When Mr Walden dismissed the class for lunch I got up to leave but I felt a iron-strong hand on my arm. I flipped my head back to see who dared lay a figure on me given to the fact that I've created quite a reputation due to the many times I beat Dopey up.

I should have guessed it was none other than the mighty Paul Slater himself. He drew me towards him in a swift movement and my nose bumped to his very hard chest. He held me by my arms to steady me and I rubbed my nose.

Why does his chest have to be so hard ? I whipped my head up high to face him with with a deathly glare. Yeah whipped up my head high….I'm that short….laugh all you want. "What's with the glare Suze, we're old souls"he whispered to me.

"Let go of me" I said with another glare. "And we're not old souls. Hell we're not even friends" I said. "Exactly right Simon we're not friends. We have something much more special" he said with a drawl as his breath on my face made my knees wobbly.

Look he's one of the hottest guys I've ever seen ok? Yeah sure he took Jesse away from me and tried to kill me. But still he radiated so much warmth. So sue me for lusting the guy ok?

However I wasn't going to give Paul the satisfaction that I was intimidated by him. "Something else my ass. Last time I met you, you tried to kill me remember?" I hissed.

Ha ! that made him uncomfortable. "I swear I didn't try to kill you Suze. I would never do that" he said so genuinely that even I would have believed him if I didn't know better.

"yeah right you ar.." my little speech was interrupted by Kelly who came towards us. "hey Pawllll" she drawled "I guess that you two know eachother" she said shakily. Jealousy was pretty much evident in her voice.

"Sure Suze and I go way back" he said with a laugh. "What !" Kelly shrieked with her eyes horrified looking at me incredulously with a look that clearly said "What's a hot guy like that doing something stupid like dating Suze?"

"No we don't. We're not even friends. We're just acquaintances. You have the full right to get your claws on him Kells" I said finally managing to push Paul away from me and walking towards the cafeteria.

I stole a look at Kelly before heading out. The girl didn't even have the decency to be embarrassed. God! talk about zero self-dignity and respect ! She immediately started flirting with Paul with relief evident in her voice.

Cee cee demanded her explanation as soon as I entered the cafeteria. She even dissed Adam saying it's girl talk. "So spill" said Cee as soon as we sat down. I bit into my tandoori chicken sandwitch. "Nothing to spill, Paul's just an acquaintance" I said with venom in my voice.

"Acquaintance?" Cee cee asked suspiciously glancing at Paul who was sitting with Kelly, Dopey, Scott, Debbie and all the other air-headed kids in class. "It didn't seem like an acquaintance to me. I mean look at the way the guy grabbed you after class and the way he keeps staring at you even now."

I glanced at Paul to see him talking with Kelly. He met my eyes and smirked. I turned my head away and said "He's not staring at me. He's having a conversation with Kelly".

"Yeah right not starting at you. The guy must be pretending to listen to Kelly given to the way he constantly keeps glancing your way" she said sarcastically.

I shook my hair and said "Ok if you want to know it bad, let's just say the guy is like my own personal stalker who wants to get into my pants" Ok I said it, well not the whole truth, I certainly can't say anything about mediating stuff to Cee. She'll never believe me and mediating isn't something I go babbling around to everyone. It's my own personal secret.

Cee cee let out a low whistle and asked "What's with you Simon the guy is damn hot. So what's your glitch?" I let out a forced smile and said "Let's just say that he is the reason for the break up between me and my boyfriend. He's the reason my boyfriend uhh..left me"

"Really? you've been hiding things Suze, you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend. How come I've never seen him. Is he from Caramel? Some guy in new York ? shit don't tell me he's going to RLS ! " she babbled.

"No no he doesn't, he's well not here anymore. I don't know where he is now. Just don't keep asking me about this ok?" I snapped. She must have understood the pain in my undertone so she shut up.

"Suze I didn't mean to pry but" she trailed off when I interrupted her with a "Cee im sorry but I'd like to be left alone for a bit. Why don't you join Adam?"

She got up and left. I finished the rest of my thandoori chicken sandwitch. I was enjoying my solitude for a while but guess who decided to humor me with his presence? Yeah, the spawn of Satan himself.

I gave him a look to say 'get out of my sight' but he apparently didn't get the threat. He sat down next to him and I looked away. "Suze" he said. I met his icy blue gaze and said "What are you doing here Paul? Haven't you caused enough trouble for me already?"

He smirked and said "Actually I helped you Suze, I helped your ghost friend move on after 150 years ! 150 years Suze! A century and a half. Isn't that the best help he can get? What's his name again? Jesse right?"

"Don't you dare say his name from your mouth" I threatened. "Come on Simon I didn't cause trouble I helped" he said again. I let out a sarcastic laugh "Jesse never wanted to leave in the first place, you're the one who made him leave. Oh yeah and I guess you consider attempting to murder me as help too"

He had the decency to look pained at that statement. "I didn't try to kill you Suze, you shouldn't have exorcised yourself to get to shadowland, you can just do it whenever you want" he said.

My eyes bulged at that but I refused to look fascinated by what he said. Of course I was damn interested. This guy knew a whole lot of stuff what mediators can do, that much I knew.

"Care to elaborate?" I asked sweetly. "I will if you give me the chance, the day and the time from your schedule" he said with a determined smile. Then he whispered "I will teach you so many things Suze, things you can't even dream that you can do. What do you say?"

I felt my heart stop at those words. The temptation was too much. I wanted to say "Hell yeah I wanna know" but I knew better how this cold-blodded guy can be.

I won't sacrifice my dignity for the sake of learning these wonderful things. But still I wanted to say yes. I was torn. "I…" I trailed off. His hand gripped my hand softly when he said "Think about it Suze" and left me alone to join Kelly and her fan club once again.


	4. Chapter 3

**Rating** **-** M ( for language and a very small lemony situation ^ ^ )

**disclaimer** **-** I hereby announce that I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator Meg Cabot

**A/N **-

Fizii and loulabel246 - I'm sooooooooooo sorry for being unable to update this story as I promised on the 13 or 14th. A lot of unexpected work came piling up and I was unable to find time to finish the story. :-( I still have a lot of homework to do for tomorrow for class but I decided to take a few hours to finish up this story and upload it today as an apology.

I'm was really bummed to see just 2 reviews with the amount of hits I have. I'm uploading because at least 2 people really liked the last chapter and want me to continue it.

**Read and Review** people ! **Feedback is very VERY necessary !**

So without further ado here is the next chapter. Enjoy !

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

I found myself running along that haunted corridor again. I ran and ran till I was out of breath. As I lay panting and half bent on the seemingly floorless mist-filled ground trying to catch my breath , there was a shimmer of materialization behind me. "Jesse" I thought excitedly turning towards the light. But to my horror it was Paul Slater. I backed away and suddenly he disappeared from my view.

"Miss me Suze?" a seductive voice whispered in my ear as I jumped from it. "Fuck off Paul! " I said waiting from him to draw a knife and plunge it into my heart as he did in my every nightmare. I knew it by now. It was a nightmare but it never failed to fill me with fear every time I saw it.

But this time he was just standing in front of me smirking. Sure that was a new thing but helloooooo isn't he going to kill me this time so I can wake up? Wait a minute. Who says he has to kill him? Maybe I'll just punch him.

And that was just what I did. I punched him squarely on his nose. Paul flipped backwards shouting " owwwwwww, what the fuck ! Suze what the hell did you do that for?" he shouted holding his nose which was bleeding.

I looked at the unexpected scenario with surprise. This dream is very weird. "Why don't you just continue the way you do, like you do in my every dream so I can wake up?" I asked irritated.

To my extreme surprise he smirked, seriously he smirked. For a guy whose nose has just been broken he seemed unaffected.

"Dreams aww little Susie has dreams about me? I hope they are not dirty. What am I saying ? Of course I won't mind if they were dirty but only if they have something to do with me" he said with a huge smirk.

He looked like a kid who got the best present for his birthday. Suddenly this didn't feel too dreamish to me. I walked towards him and raised my face to look at him up closely. It was so weird.

I've never had a dream about Paul like this before. Before I knew what I was doing my hand had reached up and was gently cupping his cheek, fingering it. So warm, so soft yet so strong and angular. My hand reached to his strong chin and I looked into his icy blue eyes.

He had no sarcastic gleam in his gaze. It was not chilling, it was like an expression I've never seen of him before. He didn't object ( not that I think he'd ever object) and my other hand joined the exploration.

The sensible part of my mind screamed at my traitorous hands to stop. Hell I was intimately touching a murderer ( well some sort of a murderer) for god sakes. Ok let's put it this day. Paul is bad news, very bad news and I mustn't touch him this way.

But this is a dream right? Yup, I can do whatever I want I thought with a smile and let my body control my actions. What harm would making out with the enemy in a dream be? Boy I never knew how wrong that would turn out to be.

Paul slipped his arms around my waist and drew me closer to him. It seemed so real. I took my hands from his face and wounded them around his neck.

His mouth inched closer to me and I immediately closed my eyes. His lips so soft and tender like rose petals yet so strong touched mine. It was the best kiss ever. It affected all the nerves of my body as I tingled with pleasure and lust.

He kissed me thoroughly. The best kiss ever I thought again. A memory of Jesse kissing me flashed in my mind but it was quick to be shattered with Paul's addictive kiss.

I knew it was wrong. But how can something well uhh beautiful and pleasurable be so wrong? I thought. Just a dream I assured myself again proceeding to kiss him deeply.

His hands roamed my back and my hands tangled in his soft brown locks pulling his face against me. He tore his lips from mine and landed them on my neck.

My skin felt like it was in fire. I moaned and muttered "Paul oh Paul" over and over again. "god Suze I want you" he whispered raggedly making his kisses towards my cleavage.

That's when I noticed I was wearing my nightdress and fuck NO BRA. His hands came to my breasts and touched them tenderly. I moaned again. His tender actions surprised me. I've always thought Paul to be rough and forceful. These tender actions surprised me.

One of his hands moved forward and played with the straps of my nighdress. "Damn you look hot in this" he said huskily and dipping his head to my cleavage again. I moaned again.

I felt his smirk against my skin. But finally managed to ask "Paul why am I wearing my nighdress in a dream?"in a confused manner gently stroking his brown curls not knowing to expect a answer or not. After all this is a dream.

The very surprised Paul suddenly stopped kissing my cleavage and looked at me in a confused manner. "What the heck are you talking about Simon this isn't a dream this is REAL". That's when it hit me. SHIT ! I pushed him from me and shouted "Don't touch me!"

"WHAT" Paul exploded. "You kiss me like that and then ask me not to touch you ? " he demanded angrily. His anger was just this time. I knew he had every right to be angry but I was not letting HIM win over this argument. After all HE is the bad guy.

"Fuck you Paul, as I recall I didn't kiss you, you started it first. I can press charges you know given to the face that you sexually assaulted me you pervert!" I cried.

Paul looked at me as if he saw a….uh well as if I had grown a second head. Not as if he saw a ghost, I mean we both see them in regular basis. Not something to be surprised or creeped out about, unless if you are Jack. " I did not fucking sexually assaulted you woman ! If I am that much of a pervert maybe I do not recall YOU returning my kisses and moaning for MORE! Paul oh Paul" he said icily attempting to do an imitation of me.

My cheeks turned red with embarrassment. He did not just do that ! He did not just do thatttttttt ! Paul smirked again noticing the redness of my cheeks. "I did not enjoy it Paul. You just took advantage of my shock. Think you can seduce me as much as you want and then kill me, like you killed him?" I asked icily.

But I knew I have gone far too much with the expression on Paul's face. He looked genuinely hurt. "Oh really and I bet he didn't kiss you like that" he returned back to me icily.

"You can never measure up to him Paul" I said angrily. "Me, measure up to HIM?" he asked with a sarcastic laugh "Oh please he was dead, Shit Simon I can't imagine how you even let a CORPSE kiss you" he said stressing his words.

THAT WAS IT. I went to him and slapped him. He looked shocked and then apologetic. "Suze, yes I deserved that. I didn't mean it. You just made me mad Suze im sorry just do…" I interrupted his aplogy.

"Save it Paul. I don't how you brought us here. But I want to go home right NOW" I said. Paul looked at me for about 2 seconds and nodded his head. "Fine" he said agreeing with something I said for the first time in life.

I blinked my eyes in disbelief and the only thing I saw before waking up in my own bed was the hurt look on Paul Slater's face.

To my disgust I didn't feel tortured from shame considering my uhh intimate make-out session with Paul. I knew I should feel guilty because was cheating on Jesse. ….'But he isn't even here' I screamed at myself.

Maybe I felt guilty because I just made out with a bad guy but then again a part of him yearned to kiss him senseless even if I had to go to that horrible place again.

I was extremely disgusted with myself. 'I shouldn't have let him kiss me' I told myself over and over again. But it had already happened but I still couldn't bring myself to regret my actions. The feeling of not feeling guilty made me guilty.

Damn I loathed him and it was ALL HIS FAULT !

A little nagging voice inside my mind constantly kept telling me "You're the one who touched him first Suze. You're the one returned his kisses and all his advances. You never took an attempt to stop him"

I scowled at the voice but knew it was true. I was wrong to accuse Paul of well uhh umm sexually assaulting me. But then again the jerk deserved it.

I closed my eyes feeling the first symptoms of an agonizing headache just like the last one I felt courtesy to my last trip to the horrible place.

"Thanks a lot Paul" I muttered as I shifted into a dreamless sleep.

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><p><strong>AN -** Is the small lemony scene too soon? Do you want the developing relationship between our two favourite shiftors to slow down a little? Please tell me your opinions !


	5. Chapter 4

**Rating** **-** M (for language)

**disclaimer** **-** I hereby announce that I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator Meg Cabot

**A/N**-

Thanks again for loulabel246, Rock the Rain, BabyAnne116, Fizii and CAsunrise for reviewing the previous chapter!

I've been quite busy the last few weeks ( and I'm going to be more busy later on *le sigh*) so that's why I took a while to update. But I'll try my best to upload the next chapter sooner than I uploaded this one ! ^ ^

**Read and Review **please everyone! Feedback is **VERYYYY **necessary !

Ok then. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter ! xD

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<br>**

I had a pretty crummy night's sleep yesterday thanks to a certain someone. Some after effects of an ear splitting headache were still there when I woke up the next morning.

I did my best to ignore Paul at school today. Damn that guy for being too hot to be ignored. Kelly was all over him as usual and I kept myself from gagging over my breakfast. She was tugging the end of Paul's shirt sleeve fluttering her eyelashes at him and demanding his attention.

Paul just kept smiling at her coolly and kept looking at me from the corner of his eye. I pretended not to notice him as I listened to the chatter of Cee cee and Adam.

I glanced back at the dual. 'They suit eachother' I thought glumly sending daggers at their direction. All too soon I noticed that Cee cee and Adam had stopped their chattering and looking at me with knowing glances.

"WHAT ?" I asked them in an irritated manner. So blame me for being so short and bitchy. It was all because of that two-timing scum Paul. The bastard kissed me senseless last night and now here with princess Kelly as if nothing happened.

"You're the one who dissed him Suze" quipped a sensible voice in my mind I was trying the hardest to ignore.

Meanwhile Adam and Cee had their expressions turned into weird smiles. Uhh Creepy.  
>" I thought he was some guy who came after you Simon. I never recall you telling me that you had a thing for him" said Cee Cee.<p>

I felt as if I could choke on my own saliva. Was I that obvious? Even an oblivious guy like Adam can easily see through me!  
>"I never had a thing for him and I never will" I said lying through gritted teeth. "Yeah sureeeeeee that must be why you are green with jealousy and shooting daggers at him and Kelly" drawled Adam.<p>

I glared at him. What jealousy? I am soooooo not jealous of them. They can even have a tongue tango and I won't give a damn. The image of them doing exactly that made me feel as if I were steaming from inside. I'm not jealous aren't I?

"I am so NOT jealous !" I hissed at them but couldn't help glancing at their direction again. This time she had her hand on his thigh. Yeah im not kidding. On his THIGH! for godsakes his thigh ! That bitch! I am sooo beating the shit out of her.

And that bastard never even made an attempt to stop her. Oh no in fact he looked at her and gave her a dashing smile. Her hand travelled up along his thigh dangerously closer to his crotch.

That blew the last of my control. He did not have the right to kiss me senseless last night and completely diss me for someone like princess-I-always-get-the-everything-I-want even if I dissed him first.

I looked away from them and met the knowing eyes of my best friends. The bell rang announcing the end of the lunch break. Thanking my lucky stars I stood up from my chair and was out of the cafeteria in a flash.

I went to my locker to take out the literature books when I felt a hand on my shoulder causing shivers down my spine. I didn't have to look around to see who he was. "Take your hand off my shoulder" I said without turning.

"My aren't we in a bad mood today?" he asked with a chuckle. I turned to him in a flash. "Look.. ..can't you just act as if nothing happened yesterday ? Or do I need to point out that I can easily sue you for sexually assaulting an innocent girl" I said with anger.

Ooops I said it again. Sexually assaulting I mean, which is uhh the last thing he did. Nevertheless I was unprepared for the burst of laughter from Paul.

I started getting more and more irritated as he laughed. He dared to laugh at me, he is soooo going to pay. "Innocent is the last thing I'll use to describe you Simon, and sexually assaulting is the last word I will use to describe last night my temptress siren" he said between laughs.

Whaaaa temptress siren? When did he become so POETIC. That was soooo unlike Paul. "Temptress Siren ! " I exclaimed in disbelief. Paul only smirked at me.

"I'm not a temptress siren and I'm certainly not YOURS !" I shouted getting the attention of the kids in the whole corridor. Oops I guess that came out a little too loud.

My face turned red with embarrassment while Paul was seemingly impassive and unaffected by the attention. I was not surprised. Didn't I tell you this guy doesn't have at least some decency to be embarrassed?

I grabbed my books and ran towards the classroom thanking my lucky stars that Paul didn't attempt to touch me again.

Seriously why, exactly was I always flying off the handle with this guy? Yeah he tried to kill me – well not me but Jesse. Technically Jesse is already dead so it can't count as murder but still !

I took a deep sigh and tried to stop myself from going through this whole thing again but failed in doing so. Well I always did have the bad habit of being unable to put a stop to my running thoughts.

Throughout the rest of the school hours my attention was solely dedicated to Paul Slater. I kept thinking of his involvement between Jesse and myself , The way he was able to approach me unexpectedly and rile up my curiously about the powers of shifters which is obviously seems to know a great deal about as well as the uhh little incident between us in the shadowland.

Ok..ok I admit that I liked it , wanted it and pretty much ok with him doing it over and over again. Gosh what a kiss ! My mind was totally blank and my heart felt like it was reeling back and forth in high-speed when he was kissing me so thoroughly.

I didn't even seem to realize I actually despised the guy. Now that I think about it do I even despise him?  
>Thinking about how I responded to him and initiated the first contact with him the answer was pretty obvious.<p>

I let out another deep sigh. It was good to know that someone wanted me, desired me. Even if that person is Paul Slater, a guy who was bad for me in every way.

Yes I feel lust for him. Look I can't help it! The guy is an extremely good kisser, ok? Thinking about that intimate moment make my heart beat thud against my chest. And I was pretty much sure it was because I was excited being caught up with the moment and annoying teenage hormones. It was not because I was falling for him. Was I?

If someone asked if I would even consider falling for Paul Slater a month ago I would have shouted "No freaking way !" But now there is a stiff feeling in my chest telling me that the answer won't be the same this time.

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><p><strong>Alternate ending <strong>

(( That blew the last of my control. He did not have the right to kiss me senseless last night and completely diss me for someone like princess-I-always-get-the-everything-I-want even if I dissed him first.

I stood up and strode over to them. He didn't even have the decency to shrug her hand off his thigh. There was a gleam in his eyes as he smirked at me and asked "To what do I owe the pleasure Suze?"

I glanced at him narrowly as my gaze wandered to his lips. "This" I said and sat on his lap taking him by surprise. Everyone in the cafeteria stopped what they were doing and looked at us.

Before he can utter a syllable I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled his head to a earth-shattering kiss. He immediately responded and I he hands held me intimately against him. I heard Kelly gasping in surprise.

Yeah take that Kells I bet you haven't done this with him before. But the wickedly happy part of my mind soon clouded with lust as we started a well you can guess It yeah a tongue tango.

Paul was kissing me so thoroughly. He nipped my bottom lip and demanded entrance to my mouth. I gave him permission willingly and he happily obliged to do so.

Soon enough we pulled back for breath. We were both flustered and my face was red. It was then I gazed at the stunned faces of my classmates and then immediately as the face of Kelly Pressoctt.

I would have even paid to see that expression on her face again. To my embarrassment I saw that I was still straddling Paul's lap. I tried to move up but his hands held me there possessively.

It was Kelly who broke the silence. "Paul I thought she said she didn't like you that way, not even as a friend" she said in a small voice.

"Sorry Kells" he said returning his gaze to me. He nipped my bottom lip a little again and Kelly choked. Seriously CHOKED !

"It seems that things are different now" he said with a smile. I returned that smile before I can stop myself.

"My place after school" he whispered in my ear. I nodded my head. "good" he said with a smile allowing me to distangle myself from him. ))

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><p><strong>AN - **hehe sorry ! I couldn't resist adding an alternate ending. This was how I originally wrote the story. I was so caught up in writing it came out like this. Well though it will be cool if Suze stops being in denial and actually admit her feelings for Paul the story would be too unrealistic !

Ohh and another thing! I know Paul is a bit out of character but it's necessary for him to have some changes because this is going to be a Paul/Suze fanfic and because I'm not going to portray him as the antagonist (well he does have a sadistic streak and a dark side in this fanfic , otherwise he won't be the Paul we all love and admire ! )


	6. Chapter 5

**Rating –** M

**Disclaimer –** I hereby declare that I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all the creative rights to the characters belong to their original creatorMeg Cabot

**A/N –** Thanks again for your wonderful reviews. I'm sorry for taking such a long time to update. I've been so busy! Well here is the next chapter. Hope you all enjoy it!

Please **Read and Review! **

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><p><strong>Denial<strong>

**~~by Chibinelly~~**

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><p>I carefully dodged Paul's hawk eyed gaze throughout the rest of the school hours and managed to hook up a ride from Adam. Actually, it wasn't a hard thing to do. You only have to ask the guy for something and he'll do it for you in a flash. Well that is only if you obtain the privilege of being Miss. Susannah Simon.<p>

Adam insisted me, on getting up with him in the front, much to the evident displeasure of CeeCee and despite my many protests. I saw CeeCee sulking as she sat on the backseat from the corner of my eye. She kept gazing at him several times when she was sure he wasn't looking.

I let out an internal sigh. Cee and Adam were perfect for each other and Adam was blind not to see it. I'm pretty sure his puppy dog crush on me will eventually dissipate.

But I wonder when. Maybe I should give him a push in that direction? My matchmaking skills were obviously rusty from disuse and this seems like a good enough reason to use them.

Maybe I might as well use his crush on me as an advantage for getting them together!

Then again, maybe another time. All my attempted little fantasies at matchmaking were thwarted as I was unable to stop myself from re-playing the certain incident with Paul Slater over and over again, as soon as I found myself thinking along the topic of romance. I kept blaming myself for my own stupidity. How could I be so stupid?

Well I won't let him have his way! After what happened I've decided not to let guys come up too close to me. I don't want to make the same mistake over and over again.

It seemed like I was cursed. All the guys I come to love manage to simply disappear from my life. Well technically it was only one guy and he moved on from his own free will! Added with Paul Slater's manipulation, of course!

No! I'm not going down on the memory lane again. I've done it enough for the past few months. Plus no matter how much I recollect those memories, it's not like, I can change the past.

I went to sleep with a troubled mind. How can one single guy be so much trouble? Well at least I'll be able to enjoy some blissful hours of sleep before having to deal with him again!

But I wasn't lucky enough to evade of his clutches. He was stupid enough to decide that a night visit in the shifter place might enlighten my mood. As if!

Stupid Paul and his stupid kisses. Why does something so wrong, feels so good? I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest as I acknowledged his presence through the mist.

He smirked at me and asked "Won't I get a warm welcome like yesterday?" pouting his lips and looking at me through those puppy dog eyes.

My left eye started twitching. That hell spawn shouldn't look so irresistible! Is he actually aware of what those looks are doing to me?

Those looks should be illegal, seriously. They aim at nothing but to manipulate and deceive people! Honestly, he must not be allowed to use that look on me! I tried to glare some more but found myself even unable to muster up a decent one.

The corner of my mouth shifted into a tiny smile before it disappeared completely. God! I can't believe myself! Smiling? At Paul Slater, the spawn of Satan himself? I felt like wailing pathetically in my pit of despair!

He smiled triumphantly. I glowered again but the damage was done. Another one of those charms, to be added to the very long list of things, which were simply impossible to resist.

"To what do I owe this pleasure Slater?" I asked in a sickeningly polite voice, doing a rather dreadful imitation of him. You know when he always asks things like "To what do I owe this pleasure Suze?" like the perfect gentlemen.

The girls in my class, namely Kelly Prescott, would swoon at his manners and charms, calling him the perfect gentleman.

But trust me, gentlemanly is not a word that should be associated with Paul Slater. Dangerous, mighty dangerous, that suits him far better.

Paul raised his eyebrow up, way up and said "You were mad with me today. You practically ignored me the whole day after our little chat. It hurts Suze. You know how much it hurts when you ignore me" he said in a mockingly serious voice.

"Yeah sureeeeeee, that must be why you were Kelly's little watch dog during the whole school period "I drawled sarcastically. But one look at the smug look in those icy blue eyes, immediately made me regret what I just said.

He gave me a knowing smile confirming my doubts. Shit! Now he must be thinking that I was jealous because he was with Kelly the whole day.

"You know, it was pretty much the other way around Suze. And besides I prefer to be your very own, personal watch dog. I wouldn't mind that at all, but that's only if you'll let me" he said sweetly.

"Dream on Slater, I won't need you if you were the last man on earth. I'd rather sleep with a dog!" I jeered.

"Now now Suze I didn't mention anything about sex. No need to get that rash. We have a lot of time. What's more, I will always be ready to willingly sate your each and every desire. You know, I have a nice big bed and…." He didn't get to complete that statement because I closed the distance between us and raised my hand to give him a much deserved slap on the face.

But before it even touched that perfectly angular cheek he caught my wrist in an iron grip that hurt. I winced inwardly but refused to show my pain.

He drew me towards him and I collided against his warm body. It was strange that such a cold person would feel so warm, I thought distractedly.

He took that moment of distraction to snake his other hand around my other wrist and pin me with that icy blue gaze.

"What are you doing? Let go of me you stupid jerk" I said struggling. It was futile. He had hell of a strong grip for a seventeen year old guy. I glared up at him and he smirked at me, tightening his grip on me.

"Suze" he whispered huskily in my left year and I froze. The hair on the back of my neck stood and I went immobile in his arms. Seriously what's wrong with me? Why did he have such a strong effect on me? No, I do not lust after Paul, ok? I do not. Paul is gross and I'm frozen right now because I'm disgusted ok? God I'm so pathetic, why do I always argue with myself?

He nipped my left year and landed kisses along my neck. All strength seemed to have failed me as I went limp in his arms.

His kisses made me feel hot all over. It was like his lips were burning into my skin.

His loosened his grip around my wrists to graze his hands along my back, to cup my bottom through the thin satin nightdress I wore.

He pulled me against his body and my eyes widened with surprise as I felt him through the barrier of our clothes.

I gave out a small moan as his mouth trailed a hot path of kisses down to the tops of my breasts till it rested on the frilly neckline of my nightdress. His hips started grounding against my core and my mind started clouding with lust, hazy with pleasure.

I lost count of the time he held me in that intimate embrace. I distinctly heard myself moaning and him groaning in my ears at the sensual friction between us and the heated pressure of his hard arousal digging against my core.

All I could see were white starts exploding behind my eyelids, as my pleasure heightened. It was as if a coil was tightening and tightening within my body, till it was ready to be released.

Finally it snapped and I heard myself moaning his name as I felt wetness flooding my panties. I let my entire weight fall snug against his body and felt his hands stroking my hair, gently.

I still felt him through his trousers and knew that this meant he hadn't reached completion yet.

I wondered why he had stopped and opened my eyes to hazily gaze at those icy blue eyes that seemed to devour my entire body and soul.

The corners of his lips quirked into a self-satisfied smile as he swooped down to take my lips in harsh, possessive and claiming kiss.

I melted against him in sweet surrender, letting his skilled tongue dominate my mouth.

My hands snaked around his neck as he thoroughly devoured my mouth.

It seemed like forever when he finally stopped the onslaught on my mouth, to pull himself away from me.

The possessiveness in those steely blue depths feasting on my thoroughly kiss bruised lips, in satisfaction, made me blush into a deep shade of pink and squirm in his strong embrace.

Then he had to open his mouth to completely ruin the blissful silence.

"Only one touch is enough to shut that pretty little mouth of yours and make you all putty in my arms, little Susie" he whispered arrogantly with a chuckle.

What Susie? He did not just say that. He did not! That word was enough for me to slip off, from my trance. With all the strength that was left in my body, I laid my hands on his chest and pushed him away.

Paul staggered a few steps but unfortunately the force of that push was not enough for him to land on his butt. It was really too bad! Paul landing on his butt would be highly hilarious.

I mean something like that was so not Paul like. At least something like that would be a blow on his reputation and his big ego.

Paul looked surprised since he clearly hadn't expected me to struggle at all. The satisfaction I gained from surprising him immediately dissipated as I caught the hurt look in his eyes.

Did Ice king actually managed to look hurt? Nah, surely my eyes were playing tricks on me. But still…..I didn't want him to look at me like that.

Before he opened his stupid mouth I said "Don't you dare call me Susie "in the most dangerous voice I could muster.

"Chill Suze, I won't call that again" he said with a roll of his eyes. To say I wasn't surprised that he agreed with something I said would be a lie.

Honestly this is the first time he agreed to something I said.

My cheeks flushed red in mortification as I recalled what exactly we were doing before I managed to push him away.

I couldn't believe I did that with him and thoroughly enjoyed it as well !

I continued to glare at him and he reached for me again. I slapped his hand and said "Stay the hell away from me Paul".

Thankfully he didn't try to touch me again and I knew that if he tried that again I wouldn't be able to stop myself even if he opened his sarcastic mouth.

He looked hurt and I inwardly cheered myself in smug satisfaction. "I'd prefer to get some decent sleep" I said looking away from him, unable to meet his gaze.

He sighed and the vision blurred till it was completely black. When I opened my eyes again, I woke up in my own bed with an ear splitting headache. "God damn you Paul!" I cursed as I got up hazily to take some aspirin.

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><p><strong>AN –** So tell me what you think about the chapter! Feedback will be much appreciated!


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